well that was unexpected.

I went in to hospital just over 2 weeks ago becuase my temperature was 38 degrees. I was told to ring them if it went to 38 as it could be sign of an infection. It tunred out to be the worst 2 weeks of my life. I had a lung infection, I had a bowel infection. I had the worlds most uncomfortable bed. I slept next a guy with a sleep/grunting disorder. I had the uncontrollablew shits - and lost all dignity. I was on a constant drip of antibiotics that made me fill up with fluid. I had mouth ulcers. I couldn't eat. I was neutropenic. My arms were swollen with injection marks.

I was in a right state. Anyway, I got through it and am home. I still feel pretty rough in the stomach area but I am slowly getting over it. I didn't know you could feel that bad and I sympathise with anyone that gets an infection while neutropenic.

Yesterday I went to clinic and my regime has been set. Next Friday I will be starting mini-BEAM, another type of chemo similar to what I've had before but again less emphasis on kidney function despite them being at full working order. This is a precautionary measure and the chemo is just as effective as the ESHAP I previously had. This will mean 1 week in hospital followed by 3 weeks out. This will then be repeated. Then I will have BEAM with the stem cell transplant which is the full month in hospital. Then I have 3 months of 'being carefull' in terms of infection and taking it easy whilst my immune system is re-built. Luckily this will be through the summer.

I can't say I'm looking forward to any of it but I have to be strong. At the moment I still feel in physical pain, although improving, so can't really phsyche myself up properly for what lay ahead. It won't be easy but it's something that has to be done. My mum is here supplying me with helathy food to build me up ready for the next onslaught. I am weak, and I am thin. I look like I've come out of a concentration camp. I can't walk very far because I hardly used my legs for 2 weeks. Luckily I've got a big appetite. I'll be feeling a lot better in a few days I'm sure. Then my attitude will change. Oh, and I also got a central line installed in my chest. That will be a permanent resident for the next few months...