I'm Out!

Friday ws the day, but it wasn't an early exit from the hospital. My hydration after Thursday's chemo continued through the night and finally ended at 4:30 Friday afternoon. I was eager to get off, but then I had to have 2 bags of blood. So Imelda came, brought the laptop and we watched 'Click', that new Adam Sandler film, and ate pizza. I finnaly got out of hospital about 9pm.

It feels great to be home and be able to look at non blank walls. Watch what I want on TV, and generally be lazy around the house.

The Doc said I will start to become neutropenic over the weekend and most of next week so I'll be taking it easy and not seeing many people. I am determined to not get an infection and end right back in hospital. I want the full three weeks at home.

The final day.

I knew it wasn't going to a good one but: 7 hours hydration. 15 minutes ultra toxic chemo. Then 18! hours hydration. This must be some seriously toxic stuff. Its after effects I dare only speculate on, suffice to say they're not going to be smelling of roses.

Almost over?

Last night I had a temperature of over 40! Paracetemol sorted me out and I was able to watch the football. This morning I still had a temp but not so high. I. Think the new anti biotics are working. I feel pretty good today. I even switched off the heater because I'm not feeling chilly all the time. Tomorrow brings the last day of chemo and It's a 24 hook up. 15 minutes of chemo, and the rest fluid to flush it out. Sounds great but at least it marks the end of this session. I may still make it home for the weekend. And my weight is steadily building, I now weigh the same as my mother! I still need to put on 20 kilos to reach my normal weight. When I get home and feel ok I will start a simple exercise program so I get some muscular weight as well as all this junk sugar I'm eating.

Infections and bloods and hot rooms.

My room was cold, so cold I slept with two pj bottoms, a thermal vest, and a sweater. But not last night. No, last night my requests for a heater came true and I spent a lot of the night too hot. But that's better than freezing. My night sweats have also reduced. However, an infection in my blood has been identified and I am once again on anti biotics through a drip. The Dr is confident that it will be brought under control before the chemo makes me nuetropenic in the next 2 to 3 days. In the mean time I am trying to eat as much as possible because the low blood count generally means mouth ulcers for me. But we shall see...

Day 1

Yesterday's clinic showed I was anemic. So today, after some issues getting a bed, I have my own room and am receiving 3 pints of blood (please give blood). I will also be starting the chemo this eve. Hopefully tomorrow I shouldn't be feeling so tired and run down. I also finally got some painkillers that work on the bowel and kidney area.

mini-BEAM eve

Provinded everything goes OK at the clinic today I will be going into hospital tomorrow to start the chemo. I am feeling fairly good, although still some stomach troubles. I was thinking of delaying until next Wednesday but decdied I need to get on with it. Mainly because I think some of my stomach issues are kidneys aching. I have been having nightsweats, although mild, are a sign of the disease.

I have always responded extremely well to chemo and expect to be in remission by the end of the week. That means I won't have cancer attacking me anymore. I will then be able to fully recover and build my body weight up without it being attacked by the dis-ease. Of course, when I say remission, it isn't actually remission in the true sense. I will still need to have more chemo to make sure every last cancer cell is gone. But the dis-ease will be so 'hit' that it won't be attacking and will be lying dormant therefore allowing me to get better physically. And I need it, looking in the mirror is still a shock.

Mobile blogging

I just set up email on my phone so will be able to update the blog while I'm in hospital... If I can be bothered...

drugs are good.

I got to thinking. When I was prescribed morphine I was given 4 bottles of it. One bottle contains 50ml. One 'hit' was 2.5-5ml. I took 1.5ml and was so wasted `i could hardly be bothered to blink. I didn't like the experience at all. why on earht did they prescribe such a large amount? There's enough there to knock out a herd of elephants.

This is what Wikipedia has to say about Morphine:

"Morphine is an highly potent opiate analgesic drug and is the principal active agent in opium and the prototypical opiate. Like other opioids, e.g. heroin, morphine acts directly on the central nervous system (CNS) to relieve pain, and at synapses of the nucleus accumbens in particular. Morphine is highly addictive when compared to other substances, and tolerance and physical and psychological dependences develop relatively quickly. Patients on morphine often report insomnia, visual hallucinations and nightmares.
The word "morphine" is derived from Morpheus, the god of dreams in Greek mythology. He is the son of Hypnos, god of sleep."

I only took this stuff twice. Last night I smoked 4 drags of a joint. For the first time in weeks I felt truly relaxed. I didn't have any stomach pain. How ridiculous that I could so easily get hold of such a dangerous drug, yet cannabis, and for medicininal purposes at least, is illegal. Think on...

well that was unexpected.

I went in to hospital just over 2 weeks ago becuase my temperature was 38 degrees. I was told to ring them if it went to 38 as it could be sign of an infection. It tunred out to be the worst 2 weeks of my life. I had a lung infection, I had a bowel infection. I had the worlds most uncomfortable bed. I slept next a guy with a sleep/grunting disorder. I had the uncontrollablew shits - and lost all dignity. I was on a constant drip of antibiotics that made me fill up with fluid. I had mouth ulcers. I couldn't eat. I was neutropenic. My arms were swollen with injection marks.

I was in a right state. Anyway, I got through it and am home. I still feel pretty rough in the stomach area but I am slowly getting over it. I didn't know you could feel that bad and I sympathise with anyone that gets an infection while neutropenic.

Yesterday I went to clinic and my regime has been set. Next Friday I will be starting mini-BEAM, another type of chemo similar to what I've had before but again less emphasis on kidney function despite them being at full working order. This is a precautionary measure and the chemo is just as effective as the ESHAP I previously had. This will mean 1 week in hospital followed by 3 weeks out. This will then be repeated. Then I will have BEAM with the stem cell transplant which is the full month in hospital. Then I have 3 months of 'being carefull' in terms of infection and taking it easy whilst my immune system is re-built. Luckily this will be through the summer.

I can't say I'm looking forward to any of it but I have to be strong. At the moment I still feel in physical pain, although improving, so can't really phsyche myself up properly for what lay ahead. It won't be easy but it's something that has to be done. My mum is here supplying me with helathy food to build me up ready for the next onslaught. I am weak, and I am thin. I look like I've come out of a concentration camp. I can't walk very far because I hardly used my legs for 2 weeks. Luckily I've got a big appetite. I'll be feeling a lot better in a few days I'm sure. Then my attitude will change. Oh, and I also got a central line installed in my chest. That will be a permanent resident for the next few months...